Learn2 Leadership Tool
How to Handle Pushback at Work: Acknowledge, Then Ask
Two steps that keep a tough conversation pointed at the result.
Pushback pulls most people into a debate. Each side defends a position, and the result you wanted gets lost. Acknowledging the resistance first takes the heat out, so the question that follows can land.
Doug Bolger on what to avoid when you acknowledge someone, and why agreeing sends you on a U-turn.
Step 1: Acknowledge the resistance
- Show you understand their world.
- Acknowledge any possible impact on them.
- Share how having the conversation could change the result.
Step 2: Ask a What? or How? question
- Ask an open question that helps them reconnect to the result, their commitment or the reason for the conversation.
- Avoid attack in your response. Keep them, and you, free of fixed positions.
How to acknowledge, from strongest to weakest
Use "You" statements to acknowledge the person.
Highest: their perspective
Clearly show their view of the concern and its possible impact on them. This dissolves the resistance and strengthens your relationship.
High: your perspective
Address the concern and its impact from your side. This shows your commitment to your world.
Moderate: parroting
Repeat their words back to them. It does not remove the resistance or build the relationship.
Low: "I understand..."
This tells instead of shows, and it creates more resistance.
Try it today
Write down the pushback you hear most often. Draft a "You" statement that shows their view and its impact on them. Then add one What? or How? question.
Questions leaders ask
How do you handle pushback from employees?
Acknowledge the pushback first, from their side, with You statements. Then ask a What? or How? question that points back to the result. Skip the debate about who is right.
Why does saying "I understand" make pushback worse?
It tells instead of shows. The other person hears a claim, not proof that you listened, and pushes harder to be understood.
Should you agree with someone who pushes back?
Acknowledge, do not agree. Agreeing sends the conversation on a U-turn away from the result you want, unless what you agree with moves toward it.
What is the difference between pushback and resistance to change?
Pushback is the moment in the conversation. Resistance to change is the pattern behind it, often a SCARF threat. Handle the moment with acknowledgement and plan for the pattern with SCARF.
What is the strongest way to acknowledge someone?
Show their perspective: their view of the concern and how it could affect them. It dissolves the resistance and builds the relationship.
Build it with your team
Handle Resistance Naturally
Teams build their own playbook for the pushback they hear most, then practice it until it holds.
See the Handle Resistance Naturally programWhere participants practice it
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See how your team communicates
The same words land four different ways on one team. The free Team Diagnostic gives you a report on how each person prefers to hear a change, a concern or a coaching question. It takes about five minutes.
Start the free Team Diagnostic